brothers, personal, stories

Vegan Muslim Love Affair

He said he saw me on a Friday.

I was coming out the mosque and I caught his eye.

I guess I had it goin’ on that day…

He was a kufi wearing, dashiki donning, Africa medallion down for the revolution type of brotha.

Oh yeah, and he was a vegan.

I have a soft spot for tree huggin’ Black brothas.

Anyways…

I wasn’t talking to anyone so I accepted his offer to get to know me better for the purpose of marriage. We exchanged a couple emails and flirty texts (yes, Muslims flirt…) until we finally decided to meet at a restaurant for lunch. It was vegetarian, mind you…

I got there early, so I took a seat in the waiting area.

I decided to dress casually. Cute skirt, casual knit top and some strappy leather sandals is what I decided on. Of course I couldn’t forget my mama Africa wood earrings.

I’m a SistaQueen…gotta represent.

He walked in and headed towards my direction.

I have to say that he was incredibly cute. He smiled and his whole face lit up. His eyes smiled when he laughed. He handed me a single red rose and I made a mental note to remember that. The restaurant was packed with hipsters and wannabe vegetarians (such as myself). He already knew what he was ordering and I was picking through the menu to see what looked remotely familiar.

I settled on a BBQ tofu sandwich. It was aight…

We talked about our families and interests. He was very educated and knowledgable. He was conscious of the world and specifically the plight of Black people in America. He told me how he thought the only salvation Black folks could get would be to travel back to Africa in mass numbers. He said there would never be justice on stolen land. I felt his energy. He had not touched his lentil soup instead his attention was focused on me. He was a passionate brotha and I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice.

I nodded in agreement and I studied his words and body language.

The waitress came over to see if we needed anything. She handed us the bill and I took it (this is one of my tactics I’ll expand on later). He gently grabbed it from my hands smiled at me and walked up to the cashier.

He asked permission to call me later in the week. I said yes and we parted ways.

It was around dusk and I was walking to the train. My shadow was dancing on the Chicago pavement and I was lost in my thoughts. I was recapping the sit down in my head. It went well and I was intrigued. I wanted to know more about him.

He called me later that week. I was pleasantly surprised.

We agreed to meet up at a local coffee shop with some mutual friends.

It went well.

Fresh aromatic coffee, familiar faces and laughs. Who could ask for more?

We both had a good time.

This is when my feelings started to kick in.

Not the feeling of lust, love, or passion…but the feeling of distrust.

You see, I am a big believer in intuition. It is an instinct that many people write off due to reasoning and self doubt.

I did not know him but for some reason I didn’t trust him.

It was only the second time meeting him but my feelings of distrust were so strong. I expressed my apprehension to a close friend and we wrote them off.

Over the course of several weeks we continued getting to know one another. He expressed interest in meeting my family. I thought that was a great idea.

Needless to say, things were progressing pretty smoothy.

He was very attentive and sweet. Always knew what to say at the right time.

Besides my tugging feelings of distrust I saw the potential in the relationship.
_______________________________

One morning, I received a phone call from his cell.

“Asaalamu alaikum…” I said.

“Wa alaikum maaaaaa — who’s this?!” The voice sounded unfamiliar and that of a distraught woman.

Needless to say I was not surprised in the least.

Not even shocked.

The woman proceeded to tell me that her and the brotha were engaged and about to get married.

She proceeded to try and get “sista girl from the hood” with me and turn it into a competition.

I stopped her right in her tracks and said “Sista, lets not go there…”

I gave her the advice that I would highly reconsider marrying someone who was already trying to talk to other sisters. That was not a good look and that she deserved better.

We ended on a respectful note and it led me to this thought:

As Muslim women we must be pillars of support for one another. Not play the blame game. Brothas need to be called out for legitimizing certain behaviors with Islam. This is absolutely unacceptable. Polygamy is a respected practice in Islam but dishonesty is abhorred.

Best believe, he got a piece of my mind as well…

My intuition was leading me in the right direction. I was the one who chose to ignore the signs of the universe.

Life is full of subtle signs.

Keep your eyes and heart open.

Be willing to accept these signs even if in the end it is not what you truly desire.

Remember…

Allah knows all.

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16 thoughts on “Vegan Muslim Love Affair

  1. Thank you another well thought out article. I am actually a huge believer in intuition. Can it be wrong? Sure, but if you first thought is that something just isn’t right then it probably isn’t….and you need to take the time and do the “slow dance” to either satisfy that it is you and not them….or that you were right all along. Love and relationships and marriage are for keeps and represent a sacred connection. There is almost nothing else as important for our lives, so listen to your heart, intuition, whatever and do not be rash.

  2. Abdul says:

    Assalaam aleika Sis. Good piece. Got me thinking…..Scrolled through your blog and with affirmation I can now propose a topic?

    I.R love (Inter-racial matrimony)

    Have you tried the ‘thinking outside the box’ thing and approached a different kinda brotha? If you have, it should be an interesting read lol.

    I say so because – while I apologies early enough for this – I know you know that some Muslims have this what I call “colour-blind politico-correctness-shock syndrome” (sue me urban dictionary). When in the open we punch the air with ayat, hadiths and sunnah about brotherly/sisterly love as one ummah but behind closed doors some of us have a problem with requests from sons/daughters of a different kind. Yet the same pour out rivers of astaghfirullahs when hearing of racial disharmony in non-muslim communities. All the same these relationships are inevitable.

    I would think the above topic is relevant regardless of geography, probably some of your readers are going through the same.

    Fi amaan illah

    • muslimnlove says:

      I think that’s a great idea! I have been thinking of a way to bring up inter racial marriages within our Muslim community. I have a lot to say! Thanks for the idea and thanks for reading!

  3. DAWUD AMIN ABDULLAH says:

    WHEW…..CHI-TOWN FINEST HAS HIT AGAIN. THANKS FOR SHOWING HOW THAT SISTA LOVE SHUD OVER RIDE SISAT HATE….. KEEP UP DA GOOD WORK

  4. I love the way you responded rather than reacted. This is much-needed advice. I’m we all ignore our intuition in situations like this. I know I have. Mashallah for the post sis!

  5. Rabiah says:

    Love, love, love your writing, your narratives, and your reflections. Don’t stop! I was in a very similar situation! SubhanAllah—intuitions are indeed powerful.

  6. Aida says:

    Thank you for sharing this, sis! I’m 32 and single but I still trust my intuition when it comes to meeting brothers. At my age, there are brothers who think I’ll just “make do” with anyone…it’s sickening, actually.

  7. Assalamou alaikom
    I know it might look kinda cute at the beginning but i think that they’re both wrong..
    First, the sister was so naive cuz she accepted to meet him alone while he chose her among all the sisters just because she was beautiful. And as GUEST says:
    “if his gaze is not lowered when he has just prayed and coming out of the mosque then you know something is defs wrong lol”
    Then yall have to know that if the first thing that made a man in love with you is your beauty, then be sure that he’s the type of person to look for it somewhere else when you don’t have it anymore if you see what i mean…
    And the same applies to the brothers… we have to learn that beauty DOES NOT LAST FOREVER… If we make of it a principal characteristic to chose our partner we’re gonna bump into a wall someday…
    If beauty is there, its a bonus. It shouldn’t be the reason why we love someone.
    That’s just my opinion, and it’s not necessarily a fact.. May Allah guide us and grant us lives filled with true love as the one that the prophet (pbuh) had with his wives and the companions with their spouses.

  8. A real sistah says:

    As salamu Aleikum! Wow! Almost similar situation happened to me, over 15 years ago. Except the sister on the other end was his wife. WIFE???? The brother never even mentioned being married. She tried to go there with me too. I had to bring her back to reality and inform her that I didn’t even know she existed. I told her that she did not have to worry about me and I promised her that I would never call that brother again (I don’t even remember his name). He was also on the sex offender registry and he knew I was working in law enforcement at the time. No mention of arrests or criminal history. I usually did a public record check, but I was a new Muslim and wanted to trust my newfound Ummah. Prior to the call from the wife, he kept telling me he wanted me to quit my $45,000/yr. job and stay at home. He was unemployed! How were we going to eat? Needless to say, I had the same intuition for about 3 weeks. I would never meet him in person and never felt ready to do so. We became aware of one another after an older couple introduced us over the phone. Every brother the sister’s husband recommended had a criminal history or they were actively on parole/probation. He knew I worked in law enforcement. Everyone deserves a second chance, but I wasn’t in the mind set to have that second chance occur in my love life. After about several introductions, I had to tell the sister, your husband can’t recommend anyone else to me. I am Happily Married now for 14 years to a former police officer. Alhamulillah! May you Allah bless you with your soul mate soon.

  9. Sahar Musa says:

    Assalaamu3laykum Ihssan, inshaa’Allah you are well. I really connected to this post all the way from London, you did it for me when you said ‘.but the feeling of distrust. You see, I am a big believer in intuition’feelings…’ I second that. One of the best article I have ever read is from psychology today about not dismissing intuition, since reading it I’ve never felt bad for following my intuition. Enjoy in your free time http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201005/listening-your-inner-voice

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