Does he HAVE to be Muslim?

I have received several inquires about my updates. I have been busy relocating and transitioning jobs. I am in the vibrant city of Brooklyn.

No friends, I am not married! Though, who knows what the future holds. Like I always say be open to new possibilities and ventures.

So I had a recent conversation with some of my sistaqueens that I want to share with you.

We were pondering this question:

Would more Muslim women be married if it was permissible to marry non-Muslim men?

Many of the women I asked firmly agreed. Surprisingly only a handful of them disagreed. Most in agreement had personal stories to back up their claims. I heard a multitude of stories about sisters meeting men at work or in other places but having to end things due to them not being Muslim. One sister in particular told me that she met a man at work and he was a very devout Coptic Christian. He was drawn to her modesty and behavior. He had all the qualities she wanted in a spouse (minus the fact that he was not Muslim). Obviously the relationship didn’t go any anywhere but she said she often wonders where it would have gone might they have taken things further.

Many of the women I asked claimed that they were treated with more respect when approached by non Muslim men.

Sadly, I could believe this.

The horror stories I hear about Muslim men (not all) will have you run the opposite direction. For real.

The bad part is Muslim men twist Islamic rulings to their favor and use it to legitimize their rachet behavior. As a Muslim woman empower yourself by knowing the religion in and out.

It always amazes me how Muslim women are expected to stay within an expected line of behavior but brothers act a damn fool. Getting married to two or even three women without telling their first wives.

Like I’ve mentioned in previous posts I have been approached by several married men who have not informed their first wives of their quest for another woman. This always leaves me to wonder if this is a common behavior among Muslim men.

I equate polygamy on the down low with cheating. It’s dishonest and breaks up a relationship real fast.

Sistaqueen, if he does it to another woman then best believe he will do it to you.

Baby, you are NOT an exception.

Taking advantage and misconstruing Islamic law is big sin. May Allah have mercy and guide us all to what He loves.

But then I thought about this…

If thats the case then why aren’t non Muslim women married?

I’ve grown up with the thought that mainstream culture doesn’t respect marriage and has a deep fear of long term commitment.

Especially men.

I am a firm believer that a majority of women regardless of ethnicity, faith or social status desire marriage. Many would beg to argue but women desire long term commitment. Always. If not then something is wrong.

It doesn’t make us weak. It’s just how we were built.

Could it be that non Muslim women don’t desire marriage? Is the idea of being with one person for the rest of your life a turn off?

Lastly, I think its important for folks to know that very few Muslimwomen in their right mind would choose a non Muslim brother over a Muslim one. We are talking about your life partner and the father of your future children.

I’ve heard of several Imams on the East Coast marrying Muslimwomen to non Muslim men. Whether or not you are in agreement with this we all must acknowledge that there is a Muslim marriage crisis happening in the Western world.

Things like this just happen due to our circumstances as Muslims in a majority non Muslim country. No one wants to stay single.

And if you ask a sistqueen herself the streets are rough. TheMuslim brothers that are readily available are either married, “not ready” or messing around with non-Muslim women.

So this leaves young Muslim women in an unfortunate position.

My last words to you are…

Take caution to the tricks of shaytan, make dua to Allah and lastly getcho’ man!


11 thoughts on “Does he HAVE to be Muslim?

  1. Asalamu Alaikum
    I just started reading your blog and I really like your down to earth way of writing. But I want to point something out. I am a convert. Came to Islam very late in the game at 30. I met my now husband a few years later when I was 33 and he was 34 at the time and truly desperate to find a wife.
    He is truly a beautiful man, a pious Muslim who treats me with more respect than I have ever been treated by any American even my own father. He has a good IT Career and is a Masjid regular.

    So why was such a wonderful husband not grabbed earlier by a deserving woman who was already Muslim. One word Scoliosis. My husband has a serious deformity. Most Muslim woman think practically. For most Muslim marriage is not about love it is about building that perfect family, and he did not fit into the picture of the perfect healthy family so he sadly sat alone until we met and married.

    Sadly I see almost as many unmarried Muslim men as woman. The problem is most of the unmarried Muslim men are low in the pecking order(low wages, low health, or divorced). And most of the unmarried women are High in the pecking order(high wage beautiful women who put off marriage to pursue a career). And No marriage outside Islam will not solve this because, I agree this is exactly the same thing I see in non-Muslim communities.

  2. muslimnlove says:

    Salam Craftyaisha, thanks for reading my blog. I completely overstand you! I think there are many brothas who remain unmarried as well due to certain circumstances. Honestly, I think it really comes down to one thing. There is no platform for folks to properly meet. When I think of my single friends they are extremely educated and beautiful. For many of them its difficult to find a man within their “caliber”. May Allah continue to bless your union!

  3. I think there are just as many unmarried Muslim women as there are non-Muslim. I think that “available” men and women need ways to meet that don’t involve periodicals, biodata, or aunties getting them together. Meeting in a comfortable group and talking and joking and learning about someone’s personality seems to work better.

  4. Millenial_Muslim says:

    “I am a firm believer that a majority of women regardless of ethnicity, faith or social status desire marriage. Many would beg to argue but women desire long term commitment. Always. If not then something is wrong.”

    If not then something is WRONG. I recommend you elaborate/clarify or rephrase, otherwise this may be perceived as single-female shaming.

    I agree with the commentator above that it’s rough out there for Muslim and non-Muslim women alike. Women of today are in the trenches- fighting for equal rights; equal pay; judgment of thoughts rather than outfits; and battling the stigma that a powerful, self-sufficient woman is just trouble and deserves or is expected to be single, or understandably scares all the men away. Add a hijab to the mix and yeah, you’re beyond approachable…culture doesn’t apply or never applied.

    We’re at the cusp of something big here for womankind. And hopefully for Muslims too. If it’s going to take a movement of Millenial Muslim women like ourselves doing radical things like marrying non-Muslims or openly documenting a husband pursuit online…it seems like we’re headed in the right direction for issue awareness.

    I follow your blog because I know you personally and we grew up in the same community…I commend your efforts and unique perspective. Keep it up.

  5. Keelah says:

    Salaams sis. Great read! I would have to say that even opening up your potions to non muslim men will not increase your chances at marriage. You may think it will but it just opens the door to a new set of problems. Non Muslim men are just as “ratchet” as Muslim men. You have to learn how to weed them out. Sisters need to also learn their Deen before you practice it. You can’t make Salaat without being taught how to pray. The same thing goes for marriage. Do not enter into an Islamic Union if you yourself have not went out and learned your rights as a Muslim wife. Sister Ameenah McCloud once said “ignorance is not an excuse!” Yes a man will use you as long as you let him. Muslim or not.

  6. Salam, I agree with you about the west but it doesn’t differ in the Middle East either. Yes, there are more challenges in the West but we do face some of the same challenges here as well. It also is really expensive to get married and be married…living in Jordan on a salary of 400jd roughly 550 dollars a month for 2 people is near impossible. Also, men are shady here. I have met men who have only wanted to marry me to get the green card (I’m an American Citizen) or men who want to control my life. It just doesn’t seem to be just a western thing but a “men” thing, sadly.
    Good Luck with your move and InshAllah chooses the best path for you.

  7. Salaam,

    I think I read one of your blogs years back, when we were both young’uns. I love your blog now because of your optimism, your faith and all you bring into your search. I wanted to share with you my perspective.

    As a Muslim woman with a practicing Christian father and a practicing Muslim mother (I guess which would be argued since she married a Christian, right?), I don’t look bleakly on interfaith marriages and prospects for children. Also, I do believe that Muslim women are uniquely disadvantaged in this country for marriage prospects. I’m surrounded by infinitely more good non-Muslim men than good Muslim men. All of my devout Christian friends met and married their husbands, good men that I know personally, years before I was able to get any serious prospects. These are men who respected them, waited for them for marriage.

    You say that few Muslim women would consider marrying a non-Muslim man. I would argue that maybe few Muslim women who meet a certain level of practice and belong to your circles would, perhaps. As a Muslimah who has always existed at the fringes for one reason or another, and who have known other Muslimahs at various levels of practice, also on the fringes, there are more that would consider non-Muslim husbands than you would think. But as soon as we dismiss these sisters because maybe they weren’t Muslim enough anyway or they’re definitely not Muslim now, marrying non-Muslim men, I feel like we’re feeding into the problem. Not saying that’s what you said at all, because you didn’t. I’m just acknowledging sometimes unspoken attitudes.

    Anyway, I hope your move went smoothly and that you’re enjoying Brooklyn and that insha’Allah the move brings good things for you. 🙂

  8. MuslimahQueen says:

    Thank you for this post sister. I can totally relate. There is this male student who goes to my school, and we are acquaintances/colleagues. He is a graduate student (in a different department) like I am, and he’s an international student from Colombia. We bumped into each other on campus the other day and we had this lingering brief conversation, and he said that we should get coffee sometime. He emailed me and we had coffee on campus this week. He’s a charming and intelligent person; can’t say its not tempting, but I know where to draw the line. And the big turn off was that he didn’t buy my coffee. Instead he told me to order first (indicating that I would have to pay for myself). I, being a generous Somali, told him to order as well and I payed for both. I don’t ever mind paying for the coffee I get with friends, but I was just left wondering, what has happened to chivalry? And that led me to think that non-Muslim guys just don’t get it. In Islam the males are the care takers of women, and I just saw it as a big signal that if I were to go deep with this person who can’t even pay for my cup of coffee, will he be able to take responsibility of me (fi sa bililah)?

  9. Sudan says:

    I am a black muslim male and it seems I have a bad rap with out even doing anything. though I did want to ask. What was meant by the “not ready” in the original blog post. Is this something the guy says, or is this more of a financial or maturity kind of thing?

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