Recently, I did a matrimonial singles mixer at ISNA’s (Islamic Society of North America) annual conference in Washington, DC. Besides it being a complete disaster (due to the consistent lack of diversity) I had fun for the most part bettering my interpersonal skills (notice a sista is being all positive and shit). I’ll be the first to admit they are awkward and nerve wracking. You’ll have that butterfly feeling in the pit of your stomach the entire time but believe me there are ways to combat this or at the very least conceal your nervousness. Here are my tips and pointers on how to handle yourself at these mixers:
1. Not alone. Remember everyone is there for the same exact reason you are. Everyone is on the quest for true love. You are not alone on this search. Don’t allow your ego to get the best of you. Some people think that attending these functions makes them appear “desperate” or as popular culture states “thirsty”. If wanting a husband labels me as thirsty then give me a tall glass of water because I am parched!
2. Keep it 100. Be real. Don’t play games and pretend you are something that you aren’t. Most people can sense a poser from a mile away. You want to attract the positivity in the place so be honest first with yourself then others. There is nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward but no one likes a liar.
3. Casual Convos. Now, most of these events are meant to be easy-going. Pretend like you’re going to a business lunch. Hell, do whatever you need to do in order to edge off the nervousness. Most of the time “speed dating” will be incorporated into the event. This involves sitting with a potential suitor for 3 minutes and having a brief conversation. I beg, let me repeat beg, for you not to bring up certain topics within this short time frame. These topics include anything related to annual salary, perspectives on Islamic rulings, or clothing size. I know these sound pretty unrelated but I have heard of folks brining up these topics during speed dating sessions. Take it easy within the three minutes. Bring up some light conversation such as where you are from or even the weather. This will lead to other topics and maybe even a follow up date.
4. Dress Simple. This is mainly for my Sistaqueens up in the building. Don’t walk in the joint looking like a pancake face. Now, I’m not saying don’t wear make up but keep it simple and classy. A little eyeliner and some blush will go a long way. Typically when I go to these events I wear a simple dress or skirt. I refrain from heels because you want to keep an accurate height for the brothers checking you out. Now onto the brothers… For the love of Allah please iron your shirt. I suggest you be fancy and pop a crease into that sucker. Make yourself presentable. The sisters will be checking your clothes out so please be on point. Make sure you’re groomed as well (beards, clean nails, etc). We love beards but don’t be coming into the place with a jacked up beard. Smell nice, brush your teeth and smile often.
5. Rules. Lastly, follow the rules of the matrimonial event since each event has a different set up. Some of them allow you to exchange contact information on the spot while at others you have to go through the organizers. Don’t be whack and think you’re too cool to follow the law. Nothing is more embarrassing then being escorted out my security. Ya heard?
Singles Mixer Survival Package:
* Mints or chewing gum
* Pocket mirror
* Cards (in order to exchange information)
* A good attitude!
Lastly, I recommend everyone to attend these events with no expectations. Just go and have fun!
6 thoughts on “Mix it up…”
Fellow sistaqueen, Im so frustrated! Im a revert, Polish, and from the Chi… and I cannot seem to find a good brother at all!! Biggest excuses Ive heard are: Im not a certain ethnicity, I dont speak thier family’s language, or they have heard horror stories about converts once they’re married. Most recently Ive had a brother tell me Im a great person but, my “assets” werent big enough for him. Seriously Im trying to find a decent Muslim man… but its been so hard and stressful that Ive contemplated going back to dating nonMuslims!! Ive even heard that if I really do wanna get married I’ll have to “settle” for a man MUCH older than me since Im “up there in age” (Im only 27). Sisters at the masjid are too “clique-y” to really wanna talk to me, so Ive got no help there. All this has been messing w my confidence. What to do?
Saalam Convert Problems,
Thanks for taking the time to check out Muslimnlove. I understand your frustrations. Many sisters find themselves in this situation. First off, remember that you don’t want to deal with a family that has this type of attitude. Can you imagine how stressful that would be?
Now lets really break this down. Its not fun being single but is dating non-Muslims the answer to the solution? What about commitment? Children? etc.. Really think about this. I’m sorry this is messing up with your confidence but remember you are more than how people view you. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT SISTAQUEEN!
I worked ISNA…I was not allowed to volunteer for this event because I am no longer married (another topic for another day), but I have worked the event in past years. I have never asked about the success rates but I have my feelings about this type of event.
To me it is like a flesh market. I tend to stay away from these type of events.
I am glad you see the humor in it.
Say what now? They didn’t let you volunteer? I don’t understand the rationale behind that. Most of the participants have been divorced.
Lawd have mercy!
I really enjoy reading your blog. The line “If wanting a husband labels me as thirsty then give me a tall glass of water because I am parched!” made me LOL. I like how you incorporate some humor into serious topics that we Muslim women face everyday.
Thanks for reading! ❤