The pitfall of segregation

Since I’ve been looking for a husband I’ve met plenty of suitors. Many of them have been married to non-Muslim women at one point or another. I have been trying to come up with a practical reason as to why this is taking place within our communities. Some seem legitimate while others are just nerve racking.

Typically if I am speaking to a brother I will inquire as to why he chose a non-Muslim woman over a Muslim. I usually get one out of two responses:

1. There were no Muslim women around.

2. Ya’ll are too intimidating and expect too much.

Let me break it down for you right here, right now.

At first I would get all “sista girl” on them and start going off. I would stress the point that I knew so many single, beautiful, educated Muslim women. Why go anywhere else? I beat that one into the ground.

Him: “Well, where are they at?”


Then I realized everywhere was actually nowhere. That epiphany made me feel kinda dumb. In what setting are we allowed to freely mix and get to know people with the intention of getting married? Besides awkward matrimonial mixers and friends trying to hook you up Muslim men and women don’t stand a chance.

Only difference is Muslim men can marry non-Muslim women when they’re fed up.

We just remain chronically single.  So, where would I like to meet my future husband?

The mosque…

I think things are far too segregated. It’s not conducive to finding a spouse. The chances of that happening are next to nothing. I have been to some mosques where the segregation is absolutely ridiculous. How in the heck am I supposed to meet anyone if I am behind a curtain with the door closed on the balcony?! If hookups can’t happen in the mosque then what else is a Muslim man or woman to do?

I still do not have the answer to that question.

So, I ask the Muslim man this: If a majority of you are marrying non-Muslim women then who are we supposed to marry?

First off, if Islam is important to you then you would never consider marrying outside of the religion. Any attempt to do that means that Islam ain’t all that important in your life. If that’s what you want to do go ahead Brotha. I’m not passing judgement. Just don’t start crying and threatening a divorce when the kids are running around in Halloween costumes and she’s reminding you that it’s time to mail out Christmas photos. She wasn’t Muslim when you married her. You can’t expect her to give up her customs and traditions. If you really cared all that much you would have married a Muslim woman from the jump. When it’s just you and her it’s fine but once you throw kids into the mix it’s a totally different story. Real talk. Also, give her the rights she deserves. Just because she isn’t Muslim does not mean you can treat her just anyway. Karma baby, karma…

We all know it is hard to be single but you have to think long-term when it comes to marriage. You must view marriage as an enhancement in your life. Sure you are going to have your rough moments but don’t go into a situation blindly. Never expect anyone to change. As Maya Angelou said “The first time someone shows who they are, believe them.” Words of wisdom.

Think wisely. It’s your life.