brothers, love, marriage, personal, tips

SSS

I know a lot of single sistas.

A lot….

They are smart, beautiful, college educated and all around wonderful women.

But for one reason or another they remain chronically single.

I call this condition SSS.

Also known as…

Single Sista Syndrome.

The symptoms might include the following:
Loss of excitement when meeting new brothas.
Consistent complaining and mood swings.
Comparing oneself to others within the same social circle.
Overconsumption of food items containing chocolate.

*If these symptoms last for more than 5 years please contact your nearest mosque, wali or closest married girlfriend.

Now, I am all up for Muslim women being proactive when it comes to their love lives. I know my transparency makes many people uncomfortable. I like to look at myself as following the sunnah.

Yes, yall following the sunnah!

I am exemplifying the example of the strong Muslim women that have come before me.

And this includes taking my life seriously and knowing what I want in a man…

Women need to be open as to what type of man they want and not be shy when approaching these subjects. Cultural implications have led to many Muslim women across the world not taking an active role in their search for a life partner.

Shyness is one thing but not having a voice in YOUR affairs is another.

By no means am I negating the importance of having a male guardian. I am simply stating that YOU need to take ownership instead of sitting around and doing absolutely nothing. Yes, as Muslims we understand that qadr (destiny) is already predetermined but please remember that we play a significant part as well.

My sista, this is your life. Don’t allow others to dictate the important matters that will ultimately effect you in the end.

Now I will admit that I have been a victim of SSS.

Personally this was due to several factors…

Being a Black SistaQueen raised in a predominantly Palestinian community my chances of meeting someone were pretty slim. Tribal mentalities, pride, and the risk of having nappy headed grandbabies was enough to deter the brothas that even expressed the slightest of interest in me.

Now miracles happen all day errrrr’day!

But…

At one point I realized that I needed to take charge. Let it be known that I want to get married because I was not about to stay single forever.

Queens need kings, right?

Don’t be ashamed to have a standard. Don’t just marry the first fool that passes you and compliments your hijab. You will be with this person for the rest of your life and if you can’t see longevity then I suggest you reconsider.

The fall of my first marriage really put things into perspective for me. Many people in the community I was raised in look down on divorcees and if you’re a woman they’ll give you the shovel to dig your own grave.

Just know, that your self-worth and value should never be dependent on a man. YOU are an independent entity that deserves to love, be loved and bask in that love together forever!

I realized what I wanted and wasn’t ashamed to go after it, regardless of what people thought. I encourage you to do the same. Just be ready for criticism and judgement.

My sista, love is a beautiful thang when you find the person who is most deserving of you. Don’t be cold and harsh because there are many decent brothas out here looking for the same thing as you.

In 1987, LL Cool J admitted that he needed to be loved, but truth is that most men don’t express that emotional side.

Like I always say keep an open mind and a receiving heart.

We got this!

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12 thoughts on “SSS

  1. **raises hand** OOh OOh this is me.
    I see more chocolate in the near future as I file my official divorce papers this month.
    I pray to not get sucked into bitterness and despair. Make dua for me and I will make dua for you
    Great post…

  2. sammi says:

    im a guy but i love your post i think men and women shoould read it as it is helpfull for both

    cant wait for the next one

    jazak Allah Khayr for the post

  3. Abdullah says:

    SSS women should consider being a 2nd or 3rd wife to a man rather than getting older, fatter and staying single. Better to share a man than have no man.

    • muslimnlove says:

      Abdullah, your email speaks true to your words. You are indeed reckless with what you just said. No one should ever act out of desperation especially when it comes to relationships. Would you like a sista to be with you because she saw you as her last option? Of course not. Think before you say some mess like that.

    • Nano says:

      I would personally rather stay single and live a fulfilled life working and being involved in my community than becoming a co-wife just simply so I can say I’m married. I think too many people and cultures see marriage as the end goal for women, it’s not. Allah is our end goal. If marriage helps us to reach Allah and bcome closer to Him, great mashallah. If not then its not the end of the world for a woman, and I really dislike the opinion that theres something flawed with a woman past a certain age who isn’t married yet.

  4. It is true that within the Muslim community divorcees are stigmatized. I still do not understand this view and try to educate brothers about it all the time. Marriages break down for any number of reasons – one or both partners were not ready for the challenges brought by marriage (and challenges is the right word, if you think it is a picnic you are headed down), men who are too busy still being boys and playing with sandcastles instead of being mature men and building a home for their families, etc. If it doesn’t work out, then that is just the result of normal human interaction and should not blemish either gender and certainly not any children produced as a result.
    As for SSS, part of the problem is that we are raised with so many Disney-esque views of what love and relationships are that we set ourselves up for failure. Marriage is about giving, not about how long you can keep that lovie-dovie feeling. It is about sacrifice, and hard work and actions that show your love even when you don’t say the words. For too many people they are waiting for a soulmate – when in fact through building your marriage and relationship you can create a soulmate.
    Okay, that is enough…..for now. 🙂

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