He saw me from across the room. I pretended like I was distracted so he wouldn’t approach me. In my peripheral I could see him making his way through the crowd. I turned around trying to use one last-ditch effort. Perhaps he would not think its me is what I thought to myself…
Then I remembered I was the only one wearing a hijab. A bright fuchsia one at that.
I laughed under my breath.
My efforts didn’t work because I felt him coming up behind me. I turned back around.
“Heyyyyyy!” I said smiling and trying to look pleasantly surprised.
“I haven’t seen you in a long time. Where have you been?” He asked.
He smelled good and my mind was starting to wander.
I took a deep breath in and reminded myself to focus.
“I’m good. The usual, busy with work and stuff,” I responded.
He took a moment, looked down and studied his hands. Then looked back up at me.
“You know, I understand you got this religion thing going on. You should still let me take you out. Just a nice dinner or something…” He said.
This was going to be the second time I refused his offers.
I took a deep breath in.
He still smelled good…
____________________________
Many non-Muslim men have a fascination with Muslim women, especially those of us that cover. Living in a culture where it is culturally acceptable for women to walk around scantily dressed it is strange for some to see women who independently choose to dress modestly.
Folks fail to realize that you can be pretty hot in a hijab (a term used to describe the dress code for Muslim women. This includes the headscarf).
I meet an array of people working in a busy emergency room. Many times my patients have asked about the significance of my hijab. Interestingly enough, most of the questioning is done by men. One man told me that he was drawn to the idea of a woman covering and only showing herself to people who would honor and respect her.
I can dig that.
I’ve had many non-Muslim men approach me and many of them step up correct. Remember, men are hesitant when approaching women to begin with. If you have a hijab on most men are going to be extra cautious because they are unsure what is culturally acceptable. They might compliment your hijab or spark up a small conversation in order to get to know you. Sadly, many of them have been far more respectful towards me than my Muslim brothas.
In my situation (and many other SistaQueens I know) hijab has not been a deterrent for men. If anything it attracts men who have a spiritual and conscious mindset towards you. Now if you are talking about the Black community hijab does not deter men at all! Head covering has always been a distinct part of our culture.
So, would I ever consider marrying a non-Muslim man?
Never.
I’d rather stay single my entire life. May Allah forbid.
Have I thought about accepting one of their offers?
Certainly.
But…
You see, with this whole marriage process you have to think long-term. I’m talking marriage here. The rest of my life. My companion. My lover. My baby daddy. Now, I need you to be gettin’ your prayer in! I need you to fast with me during Ramadan. I need to be able to discuss Islam with you. I need you to push me when my iman (faith) ain’t where it is supposed to be. If you’re not Muslim how can I expect that from you?
Once you realize this it is easy to make a decision and narrow your focus. This life is full of temptation. Do not fall victim to your desires.
Now a SistaQueen ain’t judging. If you have taken the risk of marrying a non-Muslim man I know you understand the consequences that accompany that. (SN: For those of you who think this doesn’t exist then wake up and smell the humus!) You’ve probably lost friends and your community. It’s hard to find a place where you feel welcomed. Always remember Islam and Allah. Do not let the reaction of people deter you from Islam.
Again, I remind you the key is to think long-term when it comes to relationships and marriage. Short term gratification is easy to find.
You are a SistaQueen. Know your value.
Wear that crown proudly…
MUSLIMnLOVE 
I can appreciate this post! MashaAllah well said. Hijab is beautiful and it acutally accentuates some women’s beautiful face. You know your worth honey and it shows! Represent!! 🙂
I agree Diba! 😀
Vary well put sistaqeen
Thanks Tam Tam! 😀
Inspiring! God bless you!
Maryam, thanks for stopping by! ❤
I agree. If you’ve already been married, and later divorced or widowed, whatever. Any new relationship is fraught with terror and intrigue. But you find that caution is the main thing you need. Part of that caution is going to be knowing that whatever relationship you get into needs to be long-term with specific goals in mind. Don’t settle for short-term or “bounce” relationships.
I agree with that my brotha! Longevity is the key. Thanks for reading. 🙂
ASA sister like your article….
Thanks for reading Abdul Alim! 🙂
STUMBLE ON THIS…..ALAMDULILAH I DID….GOOD ONE YOU HAVE HERE.
Ridwannullah, thanks for stopping by and taking a peek. Please come back! 🙂
I really love ds write up. So beautiful. May Allah reward d writer abundantly….Amin
Ameen. Ameen. Ameen!!! Thanks for the dua. May Allah reward you and your endeavors. Please do come back! 😀
May not be “Islamically correct” but I was conversating with a fellow sister and we were commenting on divorced women, a bit older women, working women and the stigmas and difficulties they face. She also, as have I, even though acne scars and a scarf were on my head and splattered on my face have been asked for numbers or dates. AlHamdulilah I’m very happily married masha Allah may Allah protect us and grant everyone this ease and tranquility ameen!! but I know it is TOUGH out here.
I told her half serious, half kidding and full of truthful irony that it Might just be easier to have someone teach them Islam and marry them since many of them don’t have the hang up we do as a community. But alas, prayer, eeman, deen all that so It’s not the best idea, but somethings gotta give!
**Great post!
Thanks for reading! I share the same sentiments as you. It is tough out here. One must keep faith. I have had several friends mention the same thing about converting people over. My only issue with that is having to teach a brother from scratch. We all have our own “place” in this beautiful deen. I strongly believe that converts need that time and space to determine that. May Allah reward your marriage. ❤
and may He grant us all peaceful, happy marriages ameen
Machaallah…:) Barakallaahu Fiikum….
Thanks for reading! 😉
Aslms sister! So I’m supposed to be studying but I’m reading your posts, love it! Love it! You could not have said it any better. So from SA keep the advice coming dear and much love aslms 🙂 xo
Salam Ayeesha! Thanks for reading! Please come by again inshAllah! ❤
salaam sister, just started reading your blog and it is so refreshing mashallah. Just curious, what was the guys’ reaction when you turned him down for the second time?
Salaam Sis. Love your writing. Your voice is so refreshing! I’m piecing together all the clues in your blog and I know you 🙂 Strangely, I was the one in position to give you writing advice (and grades). And despite that bit of damage, here you are! MashaAllah!
Salaam sista! Mashallah I love your blog and your writing! May Allah reward you abundantly for sharing your experiences with so many of us who I am sure can relate! I identified with this post a lot, but am sad that I didn’t have your wisdom when I was in college and in your position to know that I should only be communicating with a long term relationship in mind. But alhamdulillah we all grow up in a sense and I am now much better at ‘valuing myself’ like you advise. Thanks for your blog, I look forward to reading more inshallah! May Allah give you everything you are looking for and more, ameen!
Asaalamu alaikum Nano, thanks for reading my blog. Ameen to your dua! I hope the same for inshAllah, if not more! From what I know everything is a learning process. I guess in the end the important thing is that we actually learn from our choices and accept the outcome. I remind myself of this first. Please do come back and read!
Salaam Sista! You have a very refreshing take on many everyday situations – I loved this post especially. What you have written in this post about marrying a man who is already Muslim is honestly so true. Alhumdalillah, i am blessed with a practicing and continually striving husband who pushes me to strive towards bettering my iman and knowledge and it really makes a difference in our lives and inshAllah the lives of our children. Keep on writing Sista and I will keep on reading 🙂
May Allah (SWT) bless you with a pious, kind and caring husband who will be the coolness of your eyes. Ameen.
Your new friend from Toronto!
Wa’salaam,
Sarah
Pingback: Words | MUSLIMnLOVE