He saw me from across the room. I pretended like I was distracted so he wouldn’t approach me. In my peripheral I could see him making his way through the crowd. I turned around trying to use one last-ditch effort. Perhaps he would not think its me is what I thought to myself…
Then I remembered I was the only one wearing a hijab. A bright fuchsia one at that.
I laughed under my breath.
My efforts didn’t work because I felt him coming up behind me. I turned back around.
“Heyyyyyy!” I said smiling and trying to look pleasantly surprised.
“I haven’t seen you in a long time. Where have you been?” He asked.
He smelled good and my mind was starting to wander.
I took a deep breath in and reminded myself to focus.
“I’m good. The usual, busy with work and stuff,” I responded.
He took a moment, looked down and studied his hands. Then looked back up at me.
“You know, I understand you got this religion thing going on. You should still let me take you out. Just a nice dinner or something…” He said.
This was going to be the second time I refused his offers.
I took a deep breath in.
He still smelled good…
Many non-Muslim men have a fascination with Muslim women, especially those of us that cover. Living in a culture where it is culturally acceptable for women to walk around scantily dressed it is strange for some to see women who independently choose to dress modestly.
Folks fail to realize that you can be pretty hot in a hijab (a term used to describe the dress code for Muslim women. This includes the headscarf).
I meet an array of people working in a busy emergency room. Many times my patients have asked about the significance of my hijab. Interestingly enough, most of the questioning is done by men. One man told me that he was drawn to the idea of a woman covering and only showing herself to people who would honor and respect her.
I can dig that.
I’ve had many non-Muslim men approach me and many of them step up correct. Remember, men are hesitant when approaching women to begin with. If you have a hijab on most men are going to be extra cautious because they are unsure what is culturally acceptable. They might compliment your hijab or spark up a small conversation in order to get to know you. Sadly, many of them have been far more respectful towards me than my Muslim brothas.
In my situation (and many other SistaQueens I know) hijab has not been a deterrent for men. If anything it attracts men who have a spiritual and conscious mindset towards you. Now if you are talking about the Black community hijab does not deter men at all! Head covering has always been a distinct part of our culture.
So, would I ever consider marrying a non-Muslim man?
I’d rather stay single my entire life. May Allah forbid.
Have I thought about accepting one of their offers?
You see, with this whole marriage process you have to think long-term. I’m talking marriage here. The rest of my life. My companion. My lover. My baby daddy. Now, I need you to be gettin’ your prayer in! I need you to fast with me during Ramadan. I need to be able to discuss Islam with you. I need you to push me when my iman (faith) ain’t where it is supposed to be. If you’re not Muslim how can I expect that from you?
Once you realize this it is easy to make a decision and narrow your focus. This life is full of temptation. Do not fall victim to your desires.
Now a SistaQueen ain’t judging. If you have taken the risk of marrying a non-Muslim man I know you understand the consequences that accompany that. (SN: For those of you who think this doesn’t exist then wake up and smell the humus!) You’ve probably lost friends and your community. It’s hard to find a place where you feel welcomed. Always remember Islam and Allah. Do not let the reaction of people deter you from Islam.
Again, I remind you the key is to think long-term when it comes to relationships and marriage. Short term gratification is easy to find.
You are a SistaQueen. Know your value.
Wear that crown proudly…